As I was going through emails past, I couldn't help myself and read some old conversations. It has been so long since I last wrote anything conveying any feeling whatsoever that I was surprised by what I had written.
"The musical came and went this past weekend. It was so tiring, stressful, but definitely worth it! The actors did wonderful and sang so beautifully!!! I am glad that it is over, but it leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth. I made so many new friends that I would see everyday, and now I don't see them very much at all."
"It leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth." That's the line that really gets me. Lately, I don't speak in that fashion. When I write, I feel like a completely different person; I lose all inhibitions and "speak" more deeply like I never have before.
I look back on recent conversations, and my vocabulary has been dumbed down, my behavior as well. Am I truly hiding myself just to fit in? Do I think my friends are really that stupid?
My friends are NOT stupid: I am though. To think that I allowed myself to behave in a different manner because I was afraid of not fitting in. My friends are better than that, as am I.
I started with this blog so that I can explore my thoughts and feelings: so as to prevent myself from keeping everything in; to find myself, as cliche as that sounds. Now, I feel just a little bit closer to who I really am.
No comments:
Post a Comment